Unwrap yourself…
You wrap your hopes, dreams and legs around a man/woman based on glitter and sparkles. You better find some purpose, boundaries and love for yourself first or hugely risk being stuck trying to wrap your mind around, How-The-F@,!, did I get here…
I’ve been through my own journey of not knowing my self worth. What the heck is self-love, I had no idea how to pour that into myself. I day dreamed about a life I desired, relationships I wanted to build all while making choices that led me to the complete opposite. Looking for love and making it others responsibly to pour love into me. I didn’t not realize that my cup was so empty that I was desperate for any love as long as it dropped something in my cup. I mean, that’s not what I really wanted, but my actions said differently. Lies, manipulation, fear, shame, gas lighting, playing on my weaknesses. And, I was defenseless. Or, at least I thought I was. I was trauma bonding. What the heck in trauma bonding right? Trauma bonding is, developing an unhealthy emotional, physical, or sexual attachment to someone who abuses you.
The crazy thing about trauma bonding is that it in indeed a bond. When we’re lacking, when we feel lost, when we lack self-love, we’re just skippy go happy to bond to something. You initially feel like you relate, you’re connected, you’re finally seen and/or understood. The facade of this is, if the bonds of trauma never heals, you end up added further trauma to each other and then you find yourself in a stuck cycle of bonding but only by negative things. Or, one person begins to heal and the other person does not. If you’re the one healing you can begin to feel guilty. If you’re the non healer you may begin to self sabotage, or try to sabotage the person healing. Trauma bonding can be formed on both sides of a relationship.
Digging yourself out of this is not easy. There’s a reason I said ‘dig.’ Depending on how long you’ve been operating in this bond, the more digging you may have to do to uncover, clear a path to heal and grow. So many things you could do to start. But, some of the things I’ve done is: working out, self-care, trying new things, reconnecting with healthy friendships, and family relationships. Discovering things I’m interested in, therapy, life coaching, gummies, more rest, eliminating clutter, getting rid of old sentiments that are attached to the trauma bonds, forgiving others and myself, writing, taking classes, learning to say no, clarifying what boundaries and self/love look like to me and for me, learning healthy ways to release emotions, learning to self-regulate, clarifying my spirituality and I cried aaaaaaaalooooot… These are just some things that I’ve done, and you may have others on your list. None of these things were done at the same time, well a few things overlapped. The point I’d like to share about that is, just start. The glass don’t break unless you make some noise, or throw it lol… You’ve been silently suffering for too long. Time to speak up with intention, and let your actions speak louder and confirm every word you say especially when it comes to you.
As I continue to navigate my journey, I grateful to be on the other side of trauma bonding relationships to share my story. I hope all the love and healing for you. Chat with you next Tuesday! Until then, be well and kind to yourself.